Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Love Marriage or Arranged Marrriage

Marriages are made in heaven! How many of us believe in this ?

Wikipedia Says - Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people called spouses that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union is often formalized via a wedding ceremony. In terms of legal recognition, most sovereign states and other jurisdictions limit marriage to two persons of opposite sex or gender in the gender binary, and some of these allow polygynous marriage. In the 21st century, several countries and some other jurisdictions have legalized same-sex marriage. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.
Now if we look back to few thousand years and try an understand the society; we will see that apart from basic needs the nature of competition has more or less to do with sex. Let’s say the men from a certain tribes though sleeps with many women but would look for a natural heir and this lead to the institutional objective of marriage which over a period of many thousands years became hard wired and though this is an artificial phenomena is accepted as natural even quoting that “Birth, Marriage and Death are in the hands of the Gods”.

So Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?

LOVE as defined by Wikipedia

Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". Love may describe actions towards others or oneself based on compassion or affection

Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?

Let us draw inspiration from our Gods. Lord Shiva and Sati/Parbati – love marriage, Parvati is an example of a female entity who has a profound effect on the male in her life, for without her, Shiva would not have been complete. Aphrodite was the Greek goddess of love and sexuality, a job she took very seriously. She was married to Hephaistos, but also had a multitude of lovers -- one of her favorites was the warrior god Ares. As the wife of the Sun God, Ra, Hathor is known in Egyptian legend as the patroness of wives. Radhika, Radharani and Radhikarani, is the childhood friend and lover of Krishna in the Brahma Vaivarta Purana, and the Gita Govinda of the Vaisnava traditions of Hinduism. Radha is almost always depicted alongside Krishna and features prominently within the theology of today's Gaudiya Vaishnava sect, which regards Radha as the original Goddess or Shakti. Apart from Radha Krishna had many other female followers.

Looking at all the above it seems even our Gods preached Love and marriage is an outcome of Love. So Love marriage ruled even during that time. Irrespective of our upbringing and social conditioning we all love a Hindi movie where a lover fights all odds to get close to his love and finally get married – A happy ending. However, in real life Love Marriages are looked down by most of the society. This is because of the concept that marriages are made in heaven and the institution of marriage with all its pros and cons is hard wired as something sacrosanct over the centuries. It’s a moot point and over the centuries though we have seen changes in attitude towards love marriage but it has not been accepted well by Indian Societies very well. We still see honor killing, Child Marriage etc. prevalent in the society.

This has been happening for quite some time. Wake up in the morning, log on to your Facebook and you see one more notification of someone getting engaged, someone getting married. Ok…Facebook is a different community all together. Am I right in saying that. Nope… we see the ugliest side of love in facebook too. However facebook is just a reflection of today’s society and where portrays where a country or society is heading. Love Marriage is great!

• It breaks barriers…religious, caste, creed, geography etc

• It spreads Love which is more important than any other thing in thise love starved society

• It lets human being behave on his/her instinct and not merely suppress them because of something institutionalized by the society

• Parents have better things to teach their children rather than wasting time teaching them what a Green or Saffron colour should mean to them

• Nothing is vulgar or unacceptable when it is natural…I would term Love marriage as Natural union. I am not sure if Adam and Eve got married and never heard of their marriage anniversary. They were enjoying life beside the Hiddekel…they were in Love. In case someone would have coined the term marriage than…yes they would have been married (Union) for years because they were deeply in Love
Among a community in North East India the if two individuals falls in love; they need to elope to prove their love. The family members would hunt them down and bring them back. They would elope again to prove their love and if this happens for the third time…the family member’s would allow them to stay together and hence a Love Marriage and the entire society agrees and approves to this wonderful concept and you will not be surprised if you visit this place to find people who are more sensitive, caring and lovable.

So …. Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?

I don’t believe in the word “Love Marriage” because marriage is always arranged as this is an artificial phenomenon and anyone who is in love if accepted/approved would go through various arrangements to get married. Hence everyone goes through Arranged Marriage whether they are in Love or Not. For Lovers again you really don’t need to go through the process of getting married but this needs to be arranged for legal and social acceptance.

Here is a poem on the subject:

Made In Paradise Or Earth?

There is a white and there is black,
There are norms we can re-write;
With the highs and lows of the tide;
It brings new wisdom, brings new cry
Opens my eyes to a lot more around;
I turn around and I try to pry,
This is not the way to die;
A love-child; a lie!

Marriages made in heaven,
And heaven by a thinking mind;
And heaven in an unknown time;
Love made inside the nest of the heart,
Love a phenomena an adopted art;
Love inside a soul; a gift at birth;
Love unpolished and natural a real start.

Who compiles the memories of the earth?
Love is a memory by birth;
Marriage though a union of the mind;
Sometimes customized to accommodate the union of the heart?
Social norms personified and redefined human right.
There is darkness today but there will be light;
Heart dictates the love at first sight,
Peace is an outcome of love,
Human society today is love broke;
Love starved and tucked!
Values suppressed and orchestrated rubrics barked.

Killing is not an honor;
Marriages – heaven is not the informer;
Love cannot be arranged;
Destiny cannot be exchanged!
Birth is the outcome of union;
Cannot be justified by any of the rebellion;
Love and Arrange hand in hand,
Untamed rhythm, sea and sand,
Human society- women and man;
Love always will make them stand,
Nuptial is grand!
If at some stage affection rains;
Love and Arrange all same.

So tell me Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage - The Debate Continues. This is a part of the contest organised by Indiblogger. You can read other amazing writers on this topic @ Indiblogger


  1. Very interesting piece...loved your poem..intense!

  2. @Panchali Thank you Panchali for your kind words.

  3. Very interesting! Loved the writeup and research.

  4. A detailed analysis Shamsud and as I always say, your poems are the best.

    All the best, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  5. @Saru Singhal i loved your take on Love or Arrange Marriage. Thank you :))

  6. Very useful blog. Keep up the good work.


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